My partner lay asleep in bed to my left. As we have many times in the past, we grasped hands for comfort, connection, safety, contact. But this time as I dropped into my meditation and my sensitivities increased, I remained present by focusing on the main stimulation my body was receiving, through my clasped left hand. I like a arcing electrical current I felt pleasure flow through my palm, down my arm across my chest and down to my root.
As this built, it was as though their body, even while sleeping, was responding to my pleasure. I felt their hand clasp and twitch with each surge of pleasure that surged through me. Rather than their twitches causing my pleasure it was more “call and response”. For years I’ve had a high level of vibration running through me and have wanted nothing more than to be able to have it interact with my partner. But they are pretty tough skinned in this realm, and focus as I might, I never thought I was getting through. But here it was! I wasn’t moving my hand to signal my pleasure peaks nor did I notice my body reacting in a direct form to stimulation from their hand moving, rather their hand’s movements were having a conversation with my awareness.
Many times with my meditation I focus too much on expectation and results and don’t allow myself to loosen up and let go, to be purely in the moment, always creating the best results. But this time I took my already pulsing neuronetwork, and on a whim threw in some playful/dirty inner dialogue. I began to describe to myself how it felt uninhibitedly, including all the sultry delicious details involved with such an experience. By describing each moment as it happen, or even the action that I wanted to have next I was fully in the moment, it was enough to occupy my full consciousness with the experience. I began to be able to direct the pleasure- I could announce where I would create the sensation next and/or how my body would receive the stimulation. As I continued to describe the sensations as the crashed over me like waves of sexual static particles I was able to elaborate a little more and more with each round. Eventually reaching a point where I was able to paint fantastic stories and landscapes within this dialogue. They grew to become elaborate enough that I was transported there. I was living out great sexual fantasies, not just loosely imagining them as with standard masturbatory practice.
The combination of these two stimuli tipped me over the edge. I was twitching and gyrating with each burst of energy/pleasure. But with such amplification the pleasure would not just subside after the creciendo. I would roll into another wave. A breath in brought a rising eruption of pleasure, but no longer would an exhale release it, rather it would focus it massage in into my lowest inner erogenous spots. Building and releasing into another even hire eruption that would reach my heart, crown and beyond.